ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
