I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
