When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
