it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's always time for handjobs
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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