I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
