He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
