Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
