You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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