You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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