i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I want you more than these girls want KFC
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
