did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize