I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
