Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
