I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize