I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
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