Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
