We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
