Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Randomize
