Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm passing your future prison.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
You were trust falling into bushes
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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