She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
