I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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