When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize