White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
A bitchslap is in order.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
