why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
