If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
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