I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Randomize
