so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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