i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
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Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
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The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
We need to feng shui this bitch.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
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