Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
