bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
