she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Come share oat with me in your robe
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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