oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
