So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
