Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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