Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
