omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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