You're my little dorito
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
are you so shy because you have an std?
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize
