So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
