How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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