Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
