8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
