Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
