woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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