We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
