are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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