So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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