We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
