I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
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