Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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