It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
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