i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
