Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
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