i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
