oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
