my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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