The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Randomize
