Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
