I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
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