just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
